There's only so much writing you can do in a day...

Tonight, I answered e-mails. About a month's worth. Or maybe 6 weeks. It's hard to tell. So I think I'm written out. So sad... The creative forces wasted, just wasted!, on the rote replies to dozens of messages.

Not that I actually replied to most. Mostly I just hit delete.

Yes, I am a bad person.

An Ode to My Love

Tonight, I knew you had to be mine.

We've been apart for so long, but you were never far from my thoughts. Yes, I have tried to replace you, seeking out poor substitutions for your goodness, your sweetness. They were a comfort, I admit it. Those others briefly satisfied my craving, but it was never more than a bittersweet moment in time. They lacked your substance, and my satisfaction could never remain long. Some were too sweet, making me crave your subtlety all the more. Others simply lacked some ingredient, that one key component that makes you my everything. A few did nothing more than leave a bad taste in my mouth.

Through it all, you were the one I sought. But you were not to be found out in the world! No, that world is only full of cheap, commercial imitations. They try to be what you are, but they fail. How could they succeed? You cannot be bought, as they are! You are not for the masses, all of whom yearn for you but few of whom truly know you!

All this time, you were waiting for me. You knew I would come for you. That, someday, the pieces would all fall together, that I would stand at the ready. The ingredients were all there, I just had to gather them. In the end, it was not you that stayed away -- it was me! I did not think myself ready for you. You always seemed too much for me, it's true. I worried that, should I finally get you to myself, I would simply devour you whole, a devouring that would ultimately destroy me. I thought that you were not good for me. I believed the lies of others -- I did! -- which claimed that you were unhealthy and that I should seek another.

But tonight, all that changed. I took a chance. And we came together in beautiful, undying passion. When you touched my lips, I forgot the lies, the hesitation. It was our time.

This time together may be fleeting. And perhaps that is for the best. For I know that you must, in the end, leave me. But know that I will be thinking about you, dreaming of the next time when we two shall meet! Let us enjoy our time together, savoring each taste as though it were the last. And when our union is but a fading memory, even then your sweetness shall remain.

For now, we will enjoy our love. It is indeed time for another brownie.

Who knew?

So I was just pouring myself a bowl of All Bran for breakfast (yes, I eat All Bran. It tastes good. Shut up!) and noticed that there was a $1-off coupon on the back of the box. The good people at All Bran advised me to look for the advertised fiber bars in the "Fiber Supplement Aisle!"

There's a Fiber Supplement Aisle?

Why won't they just give me money?

Applying for jobs is hard. And boring.

Work should not be hard and boring. It can be hard, that's fine. That's challenging, exciting even! Work can also be boring. That is, unfortunately, the nature of work.

But hard and boring? That's just not right. Especially when the work in question is only trying to get work. There seems to be something wrong with this system.

The whole thing is especially irritating right now. Because it's not like there are actual jobs out there. Oh, there are job announcements! A few of them, anyway. I am not, however, convinced that any of these announcements are attached to actual jobs. Instead, my theory is that they are decoys, meant to lure the unsuspecting job-seeker into a state of false hope. Then, when the job-seeker is disheartened by his/her evident failure to measure up to any employment standards, the writers of the job announcements attack!

Yes! They attack! Suddenly, the job seeker sees new job announcements. These newly-announced jobs are similar to the old ones... But wait! The salary offers have dropped. And what's this about longer hours? More boring work? "Oh well," the disheartened job-seeker thinks to his/her lonely self. "What do I have to lose?"

And the cycle begins again. Ending only with highly-educated and highly-motivated persons prostrating themselves before the counter at an Auntie Anne's Pretzels, begging for a job, any job.

But they will no longer be hiring. And somewhere, in the distance, the malevolent gods of the unemployment world are heard to laugh.

End of an era

So they're going to let me escape the academic prison. With a degree, no less!

The fools...